The Duty of a Parent

Gentlemen, specifically those with children…..  This has been brought up so many times in conversation over the past year and I just feel I want to address it here as well.

Child care.

A number of years ago you engaged in a situation where there was mutually agreed upon decision to insert a rather turgid part of your anatomy into your sexual partner’s recipient part of her anatomy which resulted in the creation of a fertilized egg that settled into her uterine lining and eventually changed from parasite to a fully formed miniature human. (Simpler terms? Your penis entered her vaginal canal, you ejaculated, she became pregnant, and now you have a baby/child/short human…)

Here’s the thing….  As soon as you became a parent you entered into a whole new world where you are responsible for the care and upbringing of someone new. Now you had the easy part to begin with. You know… making the beast with two backs, slipping the salami, knocking boots, Netflix and chill, skyrockets at night… whatever. Then she did nine(ish) months of the real work. You get a mindless spasm. She lets hard labor and the she really gets labor. And at this point in time you now have a new set of responsibilities.

As we know, gone are the days for most of us where one parent can work and the other can stay at home full time to raise children. And of course we also know how that division of labor has traditionally been.  But nowadays we have this strange and weird idea that BOTH parents are responsible for the raising of their children. Which leads me back to my meandering topic… the burden of child care.

So, for many men there appears to be a standard of assuming that while both parents are home the mother of the child is the primary (and often only) caregiver of this bundle of joy that you had a modicum of participation in its creation.  During times that you are not at home and your partner is, it is often said that she is “with the child”, “in charge of the child”, or just simply “at home with the child”.
This is absolutely true. That is exactly what she is doing. It’s called being a parent.

However, here is where the problem rests. When YOU are home (and again, this isn’t all men, just those who we have been discussing for years exhibiting this particular behavior) an entirely different set of descriptions are used to describe your situation.

“Stuck with the kid.” “Stuck at home having to change diapers.” Or my favorite… “Babysitting”.

It’s the last one that gets me the most. And honestly, it has been said to me repeatedly that it’s the one that bothers the mother of your child the most too.

You are NOT a babysitter. That is something that you pay others to do when you, the parent, are not able to watch and take care of your child. Jenny, that 17 year old down the street, she may come by and watch your mini-me for a few hours and a few bucks while you are off having a nice date, both at work, or even just getting some gym time in. But that work she does is temporary. Impermanent.

The moment that you became a father that idea of being a transient fixture in someone’s life went out the window. Or at least it should have.

You do not babysit your child. You parent them. You raise them. You help them. You care for them. You teach them. You will even fight with them. Argue with them. Butt heads with them. However, mostly you will just love them. Guide them. Foster their goodness, their potential, their humanity.

But you don’t babysit them.

Calling it that diminishes the position of the mother as well. It is adhering to the centuries old sexist tradition that women’s only real job is in the rearing of children and that the man is above such menial work.

No.

Parenting is a partnership. You both parent. You both teach. You both love. Together you both raise a child.

You DO NOT babysit. You ARE a father.

Take the responsibility. Take the title. Wear it. Own it. It is a badge of honor. One that not everyone will have.

I say this as a father who missed years of the chance to be a better one. I have been fortunate enough to be able to have another chance, but I still regret all those years I missed.

You have a chance to do better. You have the opportunity to be the champion of a child’s life.

Don’t babysit.

Parent.