Saturday, August 21, 2010

Defining a feeling

To quote a 20 year old young man that I know, "I am in deep smit."  It is true. (Apparently that's my catch phrase.)

According to commitment is the following:
  1. a pledge or promise; obligation
  2. engagement; involvement
  3. an order, as by a court or judge, confining a person to a mental institution or hospital.
Webster's dictionary defines it as:
  1. The trait of sincere and steadfast fixity of purpose
  2. The act of binding yourself (intellectually or emotionally) to a course of action
  3. The act of pledging or engaging; the act of exposing, endangering, or compromising; also, the state of being pledged or engaged
Words. Definitions. As my friend Gabriel has eloquently (*snicker*) put it, words only have the meanings that we give them.  Thus if I believe that being committed is something that implies an obligation, then if am committed to someone or something then I must be obliged to it. Yet that implies an enforced reciprocity for some previous action.  I don't do well with being forced to do anything.  Thankfully, that is not my view of being committed.  I do like the third definition from Webster.  "The act of exposing, endangering, or compromising."  It has a hazardous sound to it. But if you think carefully, it is really talking about risk.  Exposing your heart, endangering your feelings, and compromising your own individual self in the attempt to find someone who you can pledge to be with.  

I guess I feel all commitment comes with some form of risk.  But, I also feel that it is the risk that makes the committing worth it.  So, I find myself looking across the table (with a steadfast gaze) and I bind myself to what I see... taking a risk, pledging the next ten minutes at a time, knowing that I have all the time in the world to ask for more.

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